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Walls

by AN HORSE

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1.
I have nothing new to tell you Since the last time that I wrote But I know with certainty Your hands will get this note I don’t need any mirrors in my hallway To remind me how I’ m feeling today I don’t want any lights in my house Turn them off, pull them down, throw them out I read, I read I read, I read A yellow shirt and a blue jacket I learnt for the first time today A red flag means that I’ll be okay You get up when I go to sleep but that’s just me and geography I read, I read I read, I read A yellow shirt and a blue jacket Dressed so sharply You know I will read Every word that you send me
2.
Not Mine 03:00 video
A cold night, in the summer time Under street lights that weren’t mine In a city I think it was yours You said this weather we’re having is not quite right Summer’s not being itself tonight Not tonight I said it’s alright, summer seems just fine I have no idea what it’s really like This far north and to the right It seems fine From over here, here, here here From over here, here it seems fine A warm night, come on it’s summer time Under desk lights that weren’t mine I’m quite sure that they were yours I said there’s something growing in my heart that’s black As black as the sky on a moonless night There’s no cherry pie in sight You said alright, that’s enough Twin Peaks for one night Your heart it seems just fine, your heart it seems just fine From over here, here, here here, From over here, here it seems fine I’ll navigate the best I can, use this desk light as my friend To get back where? To get back where? Over here, here, here, here Over here, here, I’ ll be fine I’ll be fine
3.
I sat in an airport thinking I’m gonna die I sat in an airport thinking I’m gonna die Die, die I saw him moving quickly, he caught my eye I put my head down and thought please not tonight Tonight, tonight Excuse me, I hope you don’t mind But I can see what’s going on inside I put my head down and I stared at my shoes I thought if I don’t have to breathe then I won’t move But I moved, I moved. Fold up your table top, you’re showing off all that you’ve got My table top is staying put, I wear my face this way it’s all I’ve got I sat in an airport thinking, I wonder why We put our heads down and avoid each others eyes.
4.
You’re a firehead in my mind But you’re out of bounds and that is fine I don’t know why they store them up like they do But I know you’ve got better things to do Know this, know this I’ ve noticed that you’re not fine There’s that moment then Ah and again I haven’ t forgotten a single one I look out for you I swear I do But I think everyone has lost their mind Know this, know this I’ve noticed that you’re not fine Know this, know this We’ve noticed that you’re not fine Know this, we’ve noticed that you’re not fine I’ve seen this before in everyone We all take our turn at the bottom and then we Crawl around ‘ til we can find something to hold on to I’ll crawl around ‘ til I can find something to hold on to Know this we’ve noticed, that you’re not fine Fine, fine, fine
5.
The tick tock, tick tock of my heart mimics the tick tock, tick tock of that clock But what happens when the battery runs out? The click clack, click clack of my brain mimics the click clack, click clack of that train But what happens when the track’s all gone? But oh my god, I tick tock for you Oh my god I tick tock for you But you’ll never come true Cause what would I do? No, you’ll never come true What would I do? I’ll shout it out, I’ll shout it out The battery’s dead and the tracks run out Now it’s a mini tragedy that I mistake sentimentalities with my memories With my memories Just look at these walls Just look at these walls There’s no brain and there’s no heart at all But oh my god, I tick tock for you Oh my god I tick tock for you But you’ll never come true Cause what would I do? No, you’ll never come true What would I do? I’ll shout it out, I’ll shout it out The battery’s dead and the track’s run out I’ll shout it out, I’ll shout it out The battery’s dead and the track’s burnt out But oh my god, I tick tock for you Oh my god I tick tock for you But you’ll never come true Cause what would I do? No, you’ll never come true I gotta find something to hold on to
6.
Walls 03:37
I have nothing for you Nothing at all, nothing at all My head is bleeding from banging it against this wall Bang it against this wall But what’s it all for? But what’s it all for? Cause I don’t know if I know anymore And you have nothing for them And that is fair enough Yes that is fair enough And I know your nose bleeds for no reason at all No reason at all But what’s it all for? What’s it all for? Cause I don’t know if I know anymore This insignificance is overwhelming me This insignificance is overwhelming me You promised me there was a point to this all A point to this all And you told me I had to just sit tight it’ ll be alright Just sit tight it’ ll be alright Just sit tight it’ ll be alright My nose bleeds Your head bleeds Just sit tight it’ll be alright Just sit tight it’ ll be alright
7.
I know you wanted clouds for company But you got me, you got me And I could give you grief about the divide that I face every night It’s every night But I know, I know, I know Or I learnt pretty quickly That’s just the way things go The way things go But I’m not asking for all the much, just please wake up Please wake up I know you wanted someone else for company But you’ve got me, you’ve got me And you could give me grief about the divide that is oceans wide It’s oceans wide But I know, I know, I know Well I learnt pretty quickly That’s just the way things go you said The way things go you said But I’m not asking for all that much, just please wake up Please wake up My brain nearly leapt out of my chest when they opened yours up My heart nearly jumped out of my head when they said that yours might stop Yours might stop Please don’t stop, please don’t stop, please don’t stop, please don’t stop But I’m not asking for all that much Just please wake up, please wake up I’m not asking for all that much Just please wake up, Please wake up
8.
100 Whales 03:34
Like 100 whales through the water You know you had me in that corner You had me in that corner You had me in that corner There’s at least a hundred pages I ought to Burn before I can read what I wrote about you What I wrote about you What I wrote about you But tonight, I’ m thinking of someone else And I can’t help myself No I can’t help myself There’s at least 10 times I’ve spoken to you And I’ve never said things that I wanted to Said things I wanted to Said things I wanted to Play it close to the waist coat Cause there’s always someone you know Whose trying to catch someone out Whose trying to catch someone out But tonight, I’ m thinking of someone else And I can’t help myself, no I can’t help myself Yeah tonight I’ m thinking of someone else And I can’t help myself No I can’t help myself But the difference between you and me is that I know when I shouldn’t speak And you don’t know when to hold your peace You don’ t know when to hold your peace Black jack waistcoat in my face Farewell to you my lovely Farewell to you my lonely Cause tonight, I’m thinking of someone else And I can’t help myself, no I can’t help myself Yeah tonight I’m thinking of someone else Which in a round about way, means I’ve thought about you all day
9.
Leave Me 02:37 video
It frustrates me that I don’t have the words to explain to you what I’m feeling now I’m not moved that much but what I just heard moved me to the left More to the left I don’t know what put me there If I had a guess then your voice would top this list Leave me, Leave me be I don’t need a bed to hide behind, I’m laying by myself But your sheets are on my mind I don’t know who put them there But if I had a guess your voice would top this list Leave me, Leave me be I don’t want to remember summers in December And I don’t want to remember last summer in June Leave me
10.
We could count all the windows in the city But you’re far too busy and I’m much too slow So I will start with the windows in this alley Cause you think in cities and I think in boroughs We could count all the planes at the airport But that would mean you and I were in the same spot So I will count all the planes I can see And I will talk to you like you are next to me I could count all the birds around me There must be a storm at sea, there must be a storm at sea I don’t know why they come to me I will pretend it’s them I won’t believe it’ s me There was no sound when the birds came down and There were so many gulls and crows Now why do you suppose? There must be a storm at sea It’s clearly them not me I looked up when you told me to
11.
A peerless depth is where you’re at And I’m still treading water just over your shoulder A hole in your wall, in your bedroom after all And I’m still over your shoulder, taking in water Woah, woah Woah, woah We look to the sky but the swallows block the light Tread water with me we can swallow the sea It’s funny how the walls talk Especially holes in bedroom walls But they don’t want to talk to me They don’t need to come clean It’s okay to pretend these walls aren’t my friends Their holes have told me more than I care for Their holes have told me more than I care for Woah, woah Woah, woah The light comes in patches now through the fog and the salt and the clouds I wanted it to come this way so I could quietly slip away Tread water with me, we can swallow the sea Maybe it’s my convict blood? Maybe it’s our convict blood? Tread water with me, we could swallow the sea
12.
Our favorite game was to count the eyelashes That fell on my cheeks whenever you got a little anxious You said it seems so strange that you can feel all my pain I just smiled and walked away I dreamed of leaving you today Leaving you today Later that same day I was still thinking of running away You said my eyelashes reminded you of tiny ribcages You said if we’d saved everyone since this had all begun We’d have 100 sons A hundred sons, 100 sons I said my dear I think you’re wrong Go and look what we have done We’ve made a whole lot of skeletons But there’s nothing to hold onto I’ve seen my bones fit together With all sorts of people in all sorts of weather But they have to get up and go, and they have to be on their own On their own Cause you’ve got the brains and I’ve got the heart Ian Curtis said it would tear us apart But it’s tearing me in two Oh I want to think of you I do I do I do, I do I do I do But I’m thinking of my bones They want to get up and go They want to be on their own, they want to be on their own Well I do

credits

released April 26, 2011

Produced and mixed by Howard Redekopp in Vancouver BC at Armoury Studios and The Menagerie.

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